‘Down With The Sickness’ by Disturbed is our family song and my all time favorite. I’m sure that 99 percent of the world is dysfunctional and probably grew up in Hell too. But, I can only speak for myself and my own Hell family experience. During my childhood, I’m sure that both parents opened up plenty of hate by their physical and emotional abuse as well as neglect; and let it flow into me and my four siblings. I’m sure more demons impregnated my psyche by eachincident of rape and sexual abuse. Congenital eye problems made it even easier to entrap me. The demons run deep and never seem to end. I have done individual and group type therapy in my adulthood with ten different counselors/facilitators. The first demons were awakened, as David Draiman puts it, back in my early college days – more than 27 years ago. It seems that the more work I do to better my journey through life, the more demons push their way up from the depths of my psyche. David Draiman is right on when he stated that once the demons have been awakened, there is no turning back. They can never be re-burried. I thought that I had a pretty good handle on my psyche from doing the past years of intense therapy, memory recovery, and healing in the early 1990’s. I had a great support system; and still do today. Bohica was spared all of my really bad PTSD work back then. We didn’t meet until 1997. Now that I am not looking after small children or dealing with Child Protection at DFCS, my psyche realizes that I have more time to deal with other stuff down here in St. Petersburg. I feel that old bur familiar uneasy pressure of demons (unfinished business) waiting to erupt and be dealt with. No matter how much therapy work I have done in the past, they still have a way of badly scaring me today. I feel certain that there are some additional memories of violent abuse from my youth that are lurking deep beneath my consciousness. A nightmarish incident almost escaped while I was dozing one morning last week. It reminded me of my old PTSD days. I don’t know if anyone ever rids himself of all demons. I fear that I have a terminal case of ‘The Sickness’; and that the madness will some day totally swallow me up forever.
Until next time…